Feb 3-"There are those special moments when our authenticity and reality merge into wholeness. Everything just falls into place. How do we tap into those moments more often? This varies-meditation, long walks, soaking in a bubble bath, etc...Above all, be open to change and welcome it. Rejoice and dream, kneel and pray!"
Feb 4-A quote by Robert Browning sums up today's thought well-"My business is not to remake myself, but make the absolute best of what God made." "Making the best of ourselves is not easy. It requires patience, persistence, perseverance, and prayer. We find it easier to live when we access the power above that illuminates our path. Don't try to make yourself into something you are not designed to be."
Today is an interesting day-the schools here have announced that school dismissed at 10:15 for "weather", which btw, it is no longer even snowing outside! It could turn into an event-or it may not. Truly does not matter to me one way or the other. The thoughts for the last couple of days have really struck me given a few conversations/thoughts I've had during the last 48 hours. First, there is the idea that we need to be "authentic"-genuine, not like "everyone else", but instead the person we're designed to be. Yesterday, I talked w/my sister about the possibility of my hubby/I coming to look at a house that is there in the town where she lives. This house is an "old" house, it is small (by American standards-1130 sq. ft. w/basement), has a small yard and will need to be totally refurbished-but as long as it is structurally sound-it is a serious consideration for us when John retires. You see, we are in a process of "discovery" as we quickly approach the end of this 30 year military journey. We have tossed around various ideas about various things that we might "do" when John retires from the AF, where we might live, etc... Will we own our own business, will John commute to work, will he work "from home", will I try to run a business, etc... We've concluded that "we've" worked very hard during this military journey and deserve some down time. Yes, John has been the military member that goes to work every day-but I certainly have done more than my fair share keeping a household up and running/moving around the country/world every 4 yrs or so...that is NO easy chore! Anyone that has ever moved knows how much work it is to make a move-even across town. I've always done my best to make the transition as quickly/smooth as possible so that our family life has had little disruption during these moves. This has allowed John the ability to just "go to work" in a new location knowing that I'm handling the "getting settled" part when we move. A business is not something we want to be "tied to". We're looking for less responsibility-not more-particularly as our girls are growing up and moving away from home into their own adult lives. Raising children has been the biggest responsibility of our lives! We're looking for more time, not for our time to be constrained by commuting or 9-5 jobs. More time to spend with each other, more time to spend with those we love (particularly our lovely 2 nieces:) The one thing we don't care anything about is more money. John has worked very hard for 26 years (soon will be 30) and that investment of time will soon pay off for us. John would like to tinker with some things he enjoys doing-like carpentry/gardening/etc.... Hence, one of the reasons we're contemplating buying an old house. Something we can "pay for" outright with savings we've built through the years-then remodel the house to our preference. I know everyone has different ideas about what a "retirement" home will look like. For us, it is small probably 2 bedroom/2 bath (downsizing-YES!), will have a small "yard" to maintain so John can tinker with flower garden out front, will have most of it's space in the living areas for us to be able to show hospitality to brethren/family/friends and allow us to be free from the bondage of a house payment for the rest of our lives! That sounds like EXACTLY what we authentically desire for our future retirement home. We hope to buy a small camping trailer with a slide for the 2 of us/Lizzie. We can even "live" in the camper on the property until we get the house remodeled the way we want. We can use the camper to travel to visit our girls/their families in the future. We can use the camper to travel to some places we've always wanted to visit in the U.S.-particularly Yellowstone, Grand Canyon, Grand Tetons, Pennsylvania Amish country, etc... We love to travel-but have been somewhat constrained by time to do as much of it as we'd like given that John has limited amt. of vacation days/per year and that we've had 2 girls to raise that have attended school that has offered us limitations as well. Less stuff to manage, less money to put out, more time to spend with those we love doing the things we love, more opportunities to travel the world together=retirement:) It's interesting that my sister/her family moved to the small town of Blackwater, Missouri just under 2 years ago. It is such an amazing little community with about 250 folks-so quaint-so much history there, so many COOL community events-something every month! They have a progressive dinner in the town, a town festival, a "themed" night party, a haunted hayride, a Christmas village walk, etc...just absolutely like stepping back in time! No stress, laid back-yet only 30 miles west of a college town (civilization:) that has every convenience you could want! They have a community theatre that hosts about 2-3 plays per year-I would LOVE to be a part of that! The only church in town is a congregation of the Lord's church and we just LOVE the brethren there...it's small, but so intimate and such fine Christian people:) My sister teaches at the small school there in town-SO cute-very old, but indeed a wonderful community for her to be raising her girls! Then there is Arrow Rock-a national historic town-just less than 10 miles away. They have a Lyceum theatre-just a sweet old country chapel that has been restored and hosts about 15 live broadway shows every year-I'd LOVE to have season tickets:) Until my sister moved to Blackwater, John and I had NO idea where we might want to retire! We loved living overseas, but knew that was impractical because of the expense. We have only lived in Arkansas and North Carolina here in the U.S. during this AF journey. We thought perhaps AR was the place for us to retire, probably because it was "comfortable/familiar". We've since discovered it will require too much of the things we want to "rid" ourselves of to remain here. North Carolina has some amazing sights-but we don't really have any real "draws" there either. I was so excited when my sister moved to Blackwater and I went to visit-it was the first place that really "spoke" to me! I knew John would LOVE it-amazing outdoor activities and rural country living-he's always wanted that. We only had the opportunity for that when we lived in England on the farm. It was SUCH a blessing-I'm glad to have had that blessing because it gave me a different perspective. I am a person that gets their "energy", zeal for life from "people". But, what I discovered in England was that I also love being away from the hustle/bustle, having much alone time with God, and a much slower pace of life. It's like God has planted stepping stones for me to discover things about myself all along and has led me to a dream that is closer to John's. Of course we both love the idea of being with my sister and her family. Watching my nieces grow up, just experiencing every day life with them-going to ballgames, school musical productions, etc...It'll be like watching them experience the same life we have-just 15 years later:) We can "relate" to my sister/her family-we too, have lived away from physical family most of our adult lives. They are just beginning their journey as ours is ending. It will give us opportunity to be "pseudo" grandparents until our own grandchildren arrive some day. John/I both have realized that it's important not to make ANY move strictly based on family, the definition of "family" changes every year as those we love die, new ones are born, etc... We truly believe that Blackwater is a community we could truly enjoy living in and finally die in some day-even if my sister's family were not there. Through my sister-God has introduced us to a place that our hearts are now in love with-a place where we can grow old together, enjoy life together, just "be" together. Of course having a sister that is a "star" teacher at the small community school sure will help us get "started" there. My sister and I are a lot alike in some very significant ways-we both never meet a stranger, so she already has made some very deep connections in the community. I talked with her about the possibility of John/I substituing as custodians, cooks, groundskeepers, etc... at the school for extra play money when we get a hankering to take a trip somewhere special that may require a bit more funds-she says that should not be an issue AT ALL! In the meantime, we'll just live in the community-enjoy everyday simple living and take a weekly jaunt into the "city" for our groceries/special outings. I feel so extremely blessed-I have had such a wonderful life along this military journey. Until the last year or so, I was very "hesitant" about what our future might hold. Change can be difficult-though you would think having lived this life I'd be accustomed to change. I suppose I am-but this change will be a "permanent" one. With the military-no matter where we were/what we were doing, it has only been "temporary"-it was coming to an end. The idea of living in the SAME place from late 40's til death was a daunting one for us! Now, I have a sense of "peace" and "belonging"-as well as a longing for the next 4 years to pass quickly so we can move into this next adventure in our lives together.
This last month has also been a time of rediscovery for me, personally. I began this year knowing that I would be going to a spiritual retreat that would challenge me to consider a "word" to focus on this year. Being an introspective person and a person that doesn't take things like that lightly, I did some serious thinking on the matter before I came to my word "health". Last night and today, I had a couple of "aha" moments with regards toward my focus word. I have experienced short "glimpses" of this type of authentic "health" moment in my life before. Once after Rebecca was born when I focused on my health. I went through 2 years of infertility and gained 100 pounds during that time from depression. I am not one to take a vow or make a promise flippantly-not to anyone, most especially God. During the time I was seeing a fertility specialist-I vowed to God that if I was able to conceive/deliver a healthy child-I would return to a healthier state so that I would be better equipped for a future pregnancy. I followed through with that vow-I walked/even jogged some and really ate very healthy-I was in the best shape I'd been in since H.S. Then we moved to Germany, I got pregnant a second time and for a year after delivery experienced post partum depression:( Again, I reverted to "food" for comfort in my depression. Thankfully I saw a Dr. that recommended that I "exercise" to release natural healthy mood enhancers-I was willing to try ANYTHING because I hated the depression. That time I became "obsessed" with exercise, 6 days week/2X per day-it was like a drug for me because I hated the depresssion SO much and I felt SO good when I was exercising! Since that time (that was 1998) I slowly have regained the weight. This time not from depression, just lack of activity and age I suppose! When we moved from Germany to the U.S. in 1999-that change took away my "gym" obsession. I was settling into yet another location, different stage of life, different responsibilities w/kids, etc... I've "walked" some with friends over the years since that time. I've always enjoyed that-gives us time to visit while getting some exercise. Moving from England back to U.S. took me away from my walking partner, Lori. Arriving back here gave me opportunity to walk again w/my friend Jen. Now Jen lives about 15 min. away-so it's not convenient AT ALL for us to get together to walk the way it was when I first arrived back here in Arkansas and she lived 2 miles down the road. This brings me to today. My daughter, Rebecca, is a Sr. in H.S. Rebecca is on a journey to college which she hopes leads to a license in dietitics and nutrition. It is a choice that has not surprised me! So much of her life she's had the experience of seeing "first hand" what lack of activity can do to a person's body-not just mine, but most of her extended family members as well. She experienced losing a g'mother at age 7 due to complications from gastric bypass surgery. She shares her concern for her g'pas health often-she sees that his poor health has given him low quality of life. On the other hand-she sees her own father that has exercised faithfully her entire life-he has done this because his career depended on it and he has taken the responsibility to provide for his family very seriously. Rebecca wants a better quality of life for herself without the extra burden of poor health. Rebecca's career choice seems to be a very "authentic" place for her to start changing the cycles of inactivity she's witnessed in those she loves. I am proud of her-she will excel in that career because it "means something" to her! She motivates me to want to be "healthier" again. She encouraged me by saying, "let's go to the gym together", this has lead to a gym membership here in town for all 3 of the girls in our house! The best part about all of this is that I can say that "authentically", I truly enjoy exercise. It's just a "change" that has been difficult to implement-but now that the adjustment period is over-it is providing so many blessings. Even though it exhausts me, I absolutely feel ENERGIZED by the activity/people at the gym...particularly the classes. I went to a power pump class (weight training) this a.m., WOW-it was an hour long, but I already feel stronger. Of course, time with both of my girls-exercising together-PRICELESS! Last night I was at a party (before going to the gym) and a friend remarked "how good I was looking"-that is honestly just a side benefit for me. The weight coming off slowly, my appearance changing, those are not the goal for me-indeed I just want to be healthy again. I want to be able to hike, golf, do all of the things with my husband that he enjoys doing when he retires:) I want to be able to sled with my nieces in that 2' of mid-Missouri snow every year! I want to live my life "fully" as God intended-part of that involves taking care of this temple that my spirit is housed in and where God's Spirit resides daily. I don't ever want to take my health for granted-the ability to walk, the ability to bike, etc...all of those things that are so easy to just dismiss. I'm praying for strength as I continue on this road to better health. It is a long road-it can be difficult because it's easy to slide back into unhealthy patterns. I will be true to my authentic self and be the person God has called me to be...a person of health that is learning/making strides every day.
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