ADDICTION...what does this word make you think of? Do you think of the person that is a chain smoker, one that is a drunkard in the gutters/sleeping under bridges, the drug addict that lives for the next "high", etc... I suppose each of us have a vision that comes to our mind when we think of this word, based on our own experiences/perspectives in life. I have spent the last year dealing with addiction of various types. Even my own. Yes, there, I said it. I am an addict. I am a "food" addict. I am an emotional eater. I would like to share some thoughts about addiction and my experience with it-both directly and indirectly-during the last year.
I believe in starting with myself and owning up to my own shortcomings before evaluating/considering others behavior. I have always struggled with emotional eating. Whether the times are "good" or times are "bad"...I eat. It is a real struggle. Something I "thought" I had conquered-a stronghold that I believed that I had overcome once and for all. Until last year when my Daddy passed away, my husband retired, my children were spreading there wings, my sister was given a devastating diagnosis, my aunt decided to contest my Daddy's will, my brother returned to drugs and the path of destruction that brings, etc... It all got to be TOO much...TOO overwhelming for me. I slipped into old patterns-was no longer consciously aware of the food that I was eating, no longer exercising-daily-for health, just plain "going through the motions" of life concerning food and exercise. Something that a food addict can NEVER do!!! However, I confess this here so that I can be given support/encouragement/accountability from my friends and family that love/value our relationship. I know that I can win this...I can overcome, AGAIN. I will forever be in "recovery" from food addiction and can never let my guard down. Because as with ANY addiction, I can assure you that it is when the "big things" in life pop up that you are the most vulnerable. That's when I was really tested. I was reminded and taken back to when my Mom passed away, nearly 15 years ago. My initial response to grief/losing my Mom was "life is short, I'm going to enjoy myself and eat what I want, etc..." You see, my Mom died from a complication from a weight loss surgery. Initially, this made me feel like, "what's the point, Mom tried to do something to help her physical condition and she lost her life". Over time and as the grieving process finished its course-I realized that quite the opposite was true. I wanted to AVOID being faced with a weight loss surgery being my only option. I wanted to take care of my body so I wouldn't lose my life the way that my Mom did. So, I began a journey that involved daily walks, went to Weight Watchers, etc...and did very well for about a year. Then another "big" change came-a move across the world to England, the stun of the loss disappeared and I stopped "paying attention" to my eating/exercise habits. Fast forward to the beginning of 2014...I had gained a significant amount of weight and had watched my Daddy's health decline because of his obesity. I decided that I MUST take control of my physical health. I must return to taking care of this temple that God so graciously gave me to live in. I began using Shakeology, every day (still do) to help manage my constipation issue that causes me to hang on to weight. I started thinking about "retirement" and living in a small community with little options for exercise. So, I became a Team Beachbody Coach and began sharing my transformation with everyone, online. Many followed my journey. The weight was coming off, I was eating healthier than ever before, I felt AMAZING. Then fast forward to losing my Dad in January of '15. This set off a series of negative events and MAJOR life changes that totally disrupted the good habits I had formed. The storm was upon me and I didn't weather it well. So, here I am, today, looking at myself-once again-through the lens of an emotional eating food addict. The stronghold that I believed I had overcome, the motivation of my parent's losses due to health factors...none of them were "enough" to keep me on track. What have I learned from this? Simply one thing. Every day is a new beginning, no matter WHAT my past. I must forget the past and press forward...again and again...until it sticks!!!! I pray that this time is the last. Do I know that it will be, NO. Addicts (of any type) are never "CURED", they are merely always recovering. So, I ask that all of my readers would pray for me as I earnestly strive to, once again, get back on the healthy lifestyle track. I have all of the tools, I know what to do, I have SUCCEEDED in the past and I can succeed again. I earnestly covet your prayers and positive feedback as I begin this journey, again.
I mentioned a few addictions that I've "observed" in the last year. One of the addictions is merely the addiction to be involved in others affairs...being a busy body. I've learned that there are some that actually thrive on the attention that comes from "stirring up the pot, stirring discord, causing trouble". Many are easily deceived by these people-they see them as "caring", just trying to do "right a wrong", "make others accountable", etc... But truly, it is all about the attention they gain and their great "want" to be in control. Control is an addiction that is also seen through obsessions of various types. My Mom was a wonderful woman with amazing traits-many of which live on through me and that I am proud to emulate. However, my Mom had an internal "drive" to maintain a perfect home environment at all times. We even "jokingly" called her, "the bleach queen" because when she passed, every single item of clothing she owned had a bleach spot on it, somewhere, because she was incessantly cleaning her house to total perfection. It was an obsession she had. No doubt, my Mom felt that she was in control of her living space-but truth is-it controlled HER! This was a struggle for her. Control has been a struggle for me in other areas of my life at different times. The point is this...no matter how good of a deed we think we are doing when we get involved in other people's matters (speaking merely of those that do NOT concern us, directly), we all need to learn to stay out of other people's business. If we are truly concerned about the direction someone is taking in their life-then why don't we have enough love to go DIRECTLY to that person, and that person ALONE, to talk with them about it. Giving them the opportunity to explain why they have chosen the path that they have. This is what real love does-it does NOT broadcast on social media, at family gatherings, etc...the perceived "wrongs" another has done. This is a biblical principle...we are SUPPOSED to help a brother overtaken in a fault. BUT, there are guidelines for how to do it. Talking to everyone else about it EXCEPT the person it involves...is sinful...just plain wrong.
Finally, the addiction that has affected my life (from outside source) the most in the last year has been illegal drugs. I have "suffered" greatly, at the hands of drug addicted family members. My heart has been broken, over and again, because they have chosen drugs over relationship. There is no rationalizing with a drug addict. Until THEY want to recover, they will not. They will lie, manipulate, squander, defame, curse, etc...you and anyone who gets in the way of their next "fix". For me, I had to withdraw myself from these toxic family members. Not because I DON'T care and DON'T love them...but because I do. I cannot and will not participate in "enabling" them. I cannot allow their toxic nature/ways to infiltrate my life and the good that I am trying to do for others. I am needed/wanted where I live-in my own community. I need to be the best wife, mother, sister, sister-in-Christ, PAT educator, aunt, neighbor, etc...that I can be. If I continue to allow these drug addicts to "get in my head" because I care too much...then I am enabling them and harming myself. I cannot give them that power. So, for now-I pray, earnestly, that others that are around them day in/out will allow them to "fall", quit enabling, and help them realize their need for recovery. Until that time, I go on with my life. Living it's purpose, trying to glorify God, and moving forward...not becoming stuck-because I certainly KNOW that we do NOT control another human being. On good days-we barely control ourselves!
I pray that this post is helpful to someone that is struggling with addiction or a family member that is an addict. Truly, we probably ALL have some type of addiction-something that "controls" us more than it should. The reality is that this is why we need the Lord to be THE Master of our life. Whether it's too much time watching TV, going to sports games, pornography, recreation time, video games, food, drugs, work, etc...ANYTHING that has an "unhealthy" grip on you that you do not bring under subjection...it is an addiction. The difference in various addictions is simply this...some addictions can be lifelong struggles that harm little to no one but ourselves-others are illegal, a drain on family/relationships, drain all of our financial resources, etc... Let's be sure that we are all striving to tame whatever "demons" that live within us...always on the road to recovery on this journey called "life". Remember, if you follow Christ in a life lived in obedience to Him/His principles-you WILL overcome. Perhaps you will struggle each day and have to "buffet your body" just as Paul did-but you will NOT willfully live "in the sin of addiction"...instead you will strive to do better/overcome so that you can glorify Him in all that He created you to be. In the end, if you follow Christ in obedience, YOU WIN!!!! You will never be subject to addiction, again, but will live in eternal bliss around others that have obeyed/lived faithfully to the end. Praise God for such a blessed hope.
