Today, I continue my tribute to my Mom and some of the things that she taught me. I thought perhaps it would be a good time to remember my Mom as a grandmother. This came to me because yesterday was my baby girl's 15th b-day and tomorrow would have been my Mom's 60th b-day. So, today falls between these 2 special days and it made me think of my Mom and the brief time she spent as a grandmother.
Though the period of time wasn't long-Amber (my brother's daughter) was 11, my girls were 8 and 5 when she died-my Mom certainly taught me a lot about being a grandmother. One of the first things I would say that I learned from her is to be available to spend time with your grandchildren. During our time living in Germany-we were only able to come for a visit about once every 9 months-though we'd usually stay about 3-4 weeks. My mom always made sure that she took time off (she worked 2 jobs during much of that time), took the girls to special places that she thought they would enjoy, just try to do things she knew would mean something to them in their little lives. My mom never failed to send my girls a "box" of goodies at every special calendar holiday. They always looked forward to receiving those boxes from the P.O. there in Germany. There were also many play times at the city park, trips to Chuck E. Cheese (though the nearest was an hour and a half away), certainly shopping for a fav toy and/or outfit, just all around kid centered fun. Some of the times I remember most are the times that my mom planned a special b-day party and her huge Christmas extravaganzas for the grandkids. My Mom grew up poor, without many worldly possessions, and certainly did not have big b-day or Christmas celebrations growing up as a child. She even told me many times about how sad she would be (as a young girl) at Christmas time because she always wanted just one nice doll, from Santa, and would ask for it year after year only to be disappointed and receive a "necessity" item like a pair of socks. So, my Mom was determined to work VERY hard to make up for her own childhood through the lives of her grandchildren.
My Mom would work tirelessly, for months, to make Christmas a special time for all of her grandkids. She even bought a "santa" suit and always recruited some poor unsuspecting family friend to play the role every year at our family Christmas party. The kids LOVED it! This was during the time they all "believed" in Santa and my Mom would absolutely play this role up and build their anticipation of the big man's arrival on the scene. She would make sure Santa brought each child a "gift" that was special for them in a big pack on his back. The celebrations didn't stop there...my Mom would go to a LOT of trouble to make sure Santa visited HER house for all of her grandkids each year and on Christmas Eve would sit out loads of gifts (usually 8-10 things each) for each grandchild! Mom loved to do this. Mom was a shopper and given her early childhood history/experience-it's easy to understand why she went overboard every year. The important thing I learned from her about Christmas w/grandkids was not the abundance of gift giving...but how important it is to make those grandkids feel special. It took "time" for Mom to do all of that shopping, planning, baking and cooking each year...but she did it because that's how she expressed her love. I got some of those traits from my Mom...I love to plan parties for those I love, I enjoy cooking (both daily and for special events) for my family-I'm not a great baker and stick to that almost exclusively for the holiday time-and I am certainly NOT a shopper. That's one of the ways Mom/I have always been different. She loved to shop and loved Wal-Mart-I avoid it at almost any cost! Perhaps it's because I did not grow up in want. Though we were certainly NOT rich and in my younger years I would say we scraped by...it was ALWAYS a priority (for my parents) to give us a big Christmas with lots of gifts to show their love. I, however, live my life in a more "simple abundant" way...less is more mentality. It has everything to do with my "love language". Nothing I enjoy more than spending "quality time" with those I love. My Mom was a "gift giver". I may spend a lot of time planning an event for my loved one-but when the event time comes-I want to be right in the middle of it all-enjoying every minute of it-remembering what the "better part" is...memories of time together. I don't want to be behind the scenes stressing about getting the food finished, making sure every detail is right, etc...I want that to be taken care of ahead of time so that when the time comes I can truly be "in the moment". My Mom often did that...she planned for weeks ahead when we would be coming to visit. Arranging things so she could take time off to be with her grandkids.
My Mom was "there" when my first daughter was born. Mom/Dad made that trip to NC so that they could be there to be w/me and meet/hold that special grandchild. My Mom was SO happy when the docs were wrong and our Rebecca WASN'T a Joshua;)lol Mom wanted a granddaughter so badly and boy did she go hogwild the day after Rebecca was born! She brought in a huge sack of clothes for that baby girl from Wal-Mart. We did have a lot of fun together dressing up that baby like a little doll over and over again trying on those new outfits! Poor thing was only a day old and already sick of having her picture made because of COURSE there had to be a pic taken of her in EACH new outfit! My Mom was so proud...Oh, I know she would have loved ANY grandchild, but she had her heart set on a granddaughter and she got her hearts desire. Mom wasn't able to be there when Michaela was born as we were in Germany at the time. The thing I DO remember is that my Mom was actually hoping that my second daughter would be born "on her b-day". Of course, Michaela didn't wait quite long enough...she made her appearance 2 days before. However, I was glad she didn't wait because I was already 9 days overdue! The thing I learned from my Mom during the birth of my girls was how important it is to be interested in each/every detail of that grandbaby. What color their eyes are, whose feet, nose, etc...they have. Just absolutely enraptured in the love of every nook/cranny of that grandchild.
Since my Mom left us 10 years ago, I've often thought about that special "grandma" love my girls have missed out on, but then I remember what a blessing it was for my Mom to have had them in her life during those last few years. My girls don't remember my Mom-they don't remember all of the special things she did for them-but it's not because they weren't "special" enough to remember, it's because of the age they were. But, I am absolutely thrilled that my Mom was blessed to share her love w/my girls...it's a gift to me and it was a blessing to her-even if their little minds were too young to remember. I think about my 2 wonderful nieces-Bayleigh (6) and Brylea (1 3/4). About how crazy Mom would have gone, AGAIN, over 2 granddaughters. I've often thought of the irony that both my sister/I have 2 girls. My Mom LOVED having granddaughters! Though certainly it isn't possible to replace a person and I would never try to BE my Mom or take over her role as a grandmother...I do love my nieces as though they were my very own grandchildren. They hold a special place in my heart for several reasons-1) I'm so proud of the life my sister has made for herself despite her early childhood 2) To honor the love my Mom would have had for those grandbabies 3) I'm at the age my Mom was when she had my own girls as grandchildren. All 3 of these things motivate me to "make time" to spend w/my sweet nieces. They help remind me that time is precious/fleeting and they are only little for such a very short time. Funny how life comes "full circle". I am now experiencing similar experiences w/my nieces that my own Mom experienced w/my girls just 10-15 years ago.
I'll finish today's blog by talking a little about my Mom's first/oldest granddaughter, Amber. If my Mom were still here with us, Amber would make her a great grandmother early next spring. Seems CRAZY to think of any woman being a 60 yr old GREAT grandma! But, Mom had her babies when she was a "baby" herself. Amber is 21, she isn't a baby having a baby. Amber is having a great grandson for my Daddy! It is very exciting thinking bout another generation being added to our family. As much as my Mom always wanted granddaughters (and that's ALL she ever had and all she ever would have had even if she was still with us), I believe Mom would have been absolutely ecstatic to FINALLY be having a boy in the family again...she'd say, "It's about time!" I look forward to meeting my nieces son. I pray each day that she will pass on some of her Grandma's love to that sweet great grandson of my Mom's. Grief is a double edged sword-it carries the sting/pain of the loss, yet it carries the blessing of memories shared being even more precious. Today, I choose to think of the memories shared-watching my Mom be a grandma to her grandchildren-learning from her the things that are important-remembering that life is for the living and to treasure each "new" memory that has been made w/those that I love since that day 10 years ago. I pray that if the Lord grants me grandchildren some day, that I will treasure each moment and make our time together "special" and unique to the personalities that God created each of us to be.
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