6 months gone?

It does not even seem possible that I have not blogged in a half year???? Life has been just a little hectic since my last blog the end of December. For those of you that are friends on fb, you totally understand my crazy life since January! I won't even begin to try to recount everything that has happened in the last 6 months. However, given that my last blog was about the idea of contentment, let me just say in the last 2 weeks, I have not done very well in that department:(  I have been extremely edgy, almost depressed at times, definitely not my normal self. I could give a million "reasons" for that, though really they would be nothing more than excuses. Though some of you might find them "justifiable" even (given my current life situation), I have been disappointed in myself, the way that I've let life "handle" me instead of me allowing God to handle my life-truly giving it to Him and leaving it there. I haven't slept well, a million thoughts have swirled through my mind given the "to do" list I've had, I haven't had the time to exercise regularly/eat "clean" the way that I've grown accustomed in the last year and a half. So, yes, it's all been a bit stressful and I have not been a person of gratitude/contentment. I admit that, humbly, and can only say that I have learned a lot more about myself and the areas of character (like Christ) that I need to grow in. It has also "reaffirmed" that truly, without God, I am nothing. I am weak and I cannot imagine a life without Christ as the center. Without God, I would certainly have resorted to many sinful/non-helpful habits in the last few weeks to get me through the days. Praise God that I was at least aware enough to keep myself from outward sin that might harm my influence/example with others. However, I did struggle inwardly. I admit that I just wanted to throw a big tantrum at times and "tell a few folks off"...though certainly that would not have been the way Jesus dealt with it. Oh, don't misunderstand, Jesus DID correct those that were in sin-He even overthrew the money changers tables. However, in my case, I know He would have said, "Get over yourself, change your attitude, things aren't going "smoothly", big deal, it's not the end of the world-things didn't go smoothly for Me either and I was crucified on a Cross for sins I did not even commit!"  So, you see, I've basically been a big baby, a big selfish baby that just wanted people to "do their job" so there was no inconvenience to me. Well, that didn't happen and I allowed myself to be frustrated, even angry, about it at times. I allowed it to become an excuse to not speak kindly to others (as I normally try to do and am characterized by). With this realization I have prayed forgiveness from God for my unholy attitude of the heart and I am "forgetting what is behind and pressing forward to the goal".  I have another 6 months this year to make some real difference with my "word" of the year, contentment and I pray that I will be able to report that I have done just that. In the meantime, I pray that each of my readers will learn from me, there's NO circumstance in your life that can occur that can steal your joy unless you allow it.