I sit here this morning w/dozens of thoughts running through my head. Thoughts of happenings during the last year and of things that I anticipate that are to come. This post will primarily be about my word of the year for 2012. I was talking w/a friend yesterday about my 2011 focus word, "health"-she was actually congratulating me on how far I've come in accomplishing my all around goal of health. I appreciated her encouragement and thought to myself, "but, I'm not finished yet!" This had me thinking about how focus words should be like the Christian virtues listed in the NT book of Peter. Just because I am choosing a new word for the year doesn't mean I get rid of the one from the previous year. Instead, it is like building with blocks-I will merely be adding to my focus and continue on the path I've set all year for health. It doesn't mean I'm "finished" or that I've arrived-it just means that "setting my mind" (a very biblical principle) on health this year has allowed me to instill/practice new habits for a lifetime-not merely for a year. So though I am only halfway to my physical goals, regarding health, I am not discouraged-because I am MUCH further along and healthier than I was at this time last year:) So, without further delay-my focus word for 2012 is contentment.
Generally, I am a fairly content person in most areas of my life. However, with the "possibilities" for the year that I will be facing, I know that this will be a word that will help bring me back to my center when things get to be a bit crazy!lol Though I am generally content, it is something that is based on the fact that I am a planner/scheduler/routine oriented person-however, this year is going to TOTALLY throw that off balance. It is going to be a year full of change. I don't mind change, I actually embrace it on most days. Change is not a "bad" thing, but the changes I will be undergoing this year are changes that are fairly major as life goes...not day to day little stuff that I normally deal with. So, like the apostle Paul, I intend to "learn" to be content wherever I find myself in the coming year.
Thinking about why I chose this word, I am reminded that my husband is just half way through his remote tour overseas-I will be without him for another 6 months. You may be thinking, "Well, surely you're accustomed to him being gone by now". Yes, my day to day life has taken on a new "normal" as it were, but no doubt it will be during this second 6 month period that being without him will start to get OLD! This is when I will need to call on my "focus" word-contentment. On those days that I'm just sick and tired of being without my companion/best friend/lover, I will remember that this is only a temporary season and that I am blessed-therefore I will "learn" contentment while waiting. Then there is the entire preparation for moving ordeal. So many things to think about, lists to be made, house to be sold, medical/dental/dog/school records to be retrieved, find a new house to call "home" for the next 3 years, etc... So many things involved in just the physical act of moving itself. I will definitely need to remind myself to be "content" during those times-to not become discouraged if prospects to view our house aren't as regular as I hope, that I don't forget any of the really important physical things that need to be done, etc... It's interesting, I have read and even heard in a few sermons over the years-that moving takes 7 years off of your life. If that's the case, then I must have 9 lives like a cat, because I am running in a deficit at this point if the average life expectancy is 70-80 years!lol Of course, I don't believe I have 9 lives(and neither do cats!)-I know that the truth is that it is God that has been my strength through each and every move that I've been blessed to make in the last 24 years of my married life! Another reason I may need to call upon my word of the year, is with regards to the "emotional" part of moving. This year, I will be leaving behind some very dear friends/brethren-some that I have been blessed to be a part of their lives for a total of almost 13 years and others that I have been so incredibly blessed to know/love for the last 5...now that is going to require a LOT of contentment. Content to be seperated from such great friends/important relationships. I know that this seperation is a more permanent one. They will now become a part of my "past" and we will keep in touch from time to time-typical things like holidays, special events in one another's lives, etc... But, the daily/regular connections and experiences together will be gone Then there is the biggest change...leaving our college aged daughter behind to only visit us a couple of times a year. That is going to require a LOT of contentment on my part! This year has been somewhat of a dry run with her living on campus-it's been fine and we've all adjusted well to that. However, she has been able to come "visit" once a month or as often as she wants-once every 6 months will be quite different for all of us. Instead of focusing on what I'll be leaving behind-I will choose to be content and focus on the blessings that God has in store for me. A new house to live in with all of the comforts it will provide, a new "adult" relationship w/our college aged daughter, a new enjoyment/appreciation for the last 2 years w/our "baby" girl before she heads off to college, a renewed relationship w/my husband after being seperated for a year, all of the new friendships that await us all in Arizona, the new congregation that we will work/worship with for this remaining 3 years of our military life, the new experiences/travel that we will be blessed to enjoy during our time in Arizona, just so MANY things to be grateful for...how can I NOT be content! It all sounds great and it will be, but it's just the "getting through" part that sometimes makes it difficult to remember how important it is to be content.
So, dear reader, what are your thoughts for the coming year? Any focus, goals, resolutions, etc...that you'd like to share? I pray that each one of us will remember how very important it is to remember that each year brings its own share of heartache, laughter, joy, trials, etc...but that no matter what, we are blessed if we have been given another year to "ring in". Blessed to use every day in 2012 to know our God better, serve Him more, love others w/the love of Christ, etc... Never be afraid of new things-instead be content with where you are at and smile at the future:)
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
Beginnings
My last post was about "endings" because I thought perhaps that I would not have the time to actually blog again before the first of the year. I am happy to say that I have a bit of reflective time today as I sit in my chair feeling overwhelming love in my heart for the joy of beginnings. On this date 24 years ago-I wed my best friend. It is a day that lives very vividly in my mind/heart. Mom/I spent 9 months planning the wedding. My wedding day was beautiful, everything I wanted it to be. Not unlike a lot of young girls, I had dreamed about my wedding day for many years, even before I met my "prince". I have no regrets about having a nice formal church wedding. Yes, it cost money and yes, my Dad did offer to just give us the money to start our new life together-but for me, the day was too special to not "celebrate" in a special ceremony. Sure, we could have "used" the money, like most young couples we started out with almost "nothing" in the way of worldly possessions. However, even 24 years later, I have no regrets-I would not do it differently. We've had an entire 24 years together to gain worldly possessions, but that day was about standing before God and an assembly of our family/friends to celebrate our vows of lifelong love/commitment to one another. Even with the joyful memories I have of that day, the last 24 years have been even more glorious than the day itself. I read something on pinterest the other day that struck me as exactly how I feel about my marriage..."I want a marriage that is more beautiful than the wedding." AMEN! That says it all. My wedding was beautiful-but my marriage has far surpassed the beauty of that day.
Beginnings are a beautiful thing. Whether we are talking about marriages, the birth of children, or the blessing of a new day that God has given-we should cherish new beginnings. In the world of psychology, it is said that a person loses 7 years of their life expectancy with every move they make....I believe that my marriage/life disproves that theory-otherwise I would already be in my Heavenly home! If memory serves me correctly, I have "moved" 15 times in my lifetime...10 of those moves being during the 24 years of my marriage. Sure, moving can/does offer it's own source of "stress", but like so many things in life-it's all about your perspective. You can either choose to become paralyzed by fear of the unknown, be depressed because you've left loved ones behind, etc...or you can decide to be blessed that you have opportunity to enlarge your life experience by adding new friends to your life, enjoying the blessings of living in a new house/location, etc... I have always chosen to feel "blessed" by the gift God brings into my life with each new move. If time marches on, my husband/I will "settle" and no longer move in a period of about 3 1/2 years from now. It will be a new beginning for us. Uncharted territory as it were. We will move forward with joy/anticipation and choose to enjoy the new experience together-just the way we have for the last 24 years of our life together.
As I was talking with my sister last night, I was thinking about other types of beginnings. This year, I purchased an "elf on the shelf" book/elf for her to "begin" a new tradition with her girls. As she shared the adventures her girls have had with "Elfard" so far this Christmas season-my heart was full of joy. Such a simple thing to begin a new tradition-whatever it may be, but how beautiful it can be. I thought ahead to a future time when my own daughters will have my grandchildren and we can pass this book/elf on to them and they begin their own tradition. My own Mom had a tradition that every year at the family Christmas party, she had some poor unsuspecting friend of the family play the role of Santa Claus for the kids. When Mom died-the tradition faded into a memory of the past. That's o.k.-it was her tradition and a special memory we all associate with her love for her family. It is this memory that helped me think what new "beginning" tradition we might start for our family now. I was really pleased when my sister shared that a friend of hers was asking about the idea of the "elf" and though she doesn't have the funds to purchase an "official" elf on the shelf book/elf-she took the idea and came up with her own new tradition. A dollar store "snowman" that watches over the kids in her house...she shared the story of the "elf" by substituting the snowman. I like that! I love to hear stories of young moms that are not tied to an "all or nothing" attitude, that don't feel sorry for themselves because of their life circumstances-but understand that it's the idea/principle that's important. This mom used what she could to "begin" a special tradition for her own kids.
This week, I have read 2 different posts from my sister and cousin about beginning to teach their children to "give". Both have determined to "begin" a tradition of their children giving to others during the holiday season. My cousin took her daughter (for the first time-a new beginning) to buy gifts for a young needy child on an angel tree in the community they live in. She was appalled that when she returned her gifts on the day of the deadline, the tree was STILL full of requests that no one had filled. It was this scene that motivated my cousin to begin a new tradition with ALL members of her family, not just her youngest. She decided that instead of buying tons of needless gifts (wants) for her loved ones-they would all take part in sharing/giving to others next year. I applaud the love she has in her heart that understands truly that life isn't all about us! My sister, again, shared with me the story of my niece that gave 50% of her allowance/b-day money to toys for tots this year. My sister took the time to explain the program to my niece and the idea of helping children that won't enjoy the nice things (without others help) that she is blessed to enjoy each Christmas morning. My sister talked to her about other community programs that go on during the holiday season and other times of the year to help those in need. You see, as a young child, my sister experienced the "giving" of others through these various programs. She was blessed by others giving through the years because as a young child, she did not have a family that provided those special "wants" for her and often did not even provide for her needs. It wasn't until her new "beginning", when she became a part of our family in 1998, that she was blessed to have all of her needs and MANY wants provided for daily. My niece has never had that experience. She-like my own children, cousins children, and most of the children in America-have always been blessed every day (not just on Christmas)-with more "wants" than needs being provided to them by their own family. My niece was overjoyed when my sister told her that next holiday season, she would be going with her to serve "food" to the needy-the food that goes to the food banks that they donate to every year. It fills my heart with joy to see new beginnings like that. A young child that is "excited" about the concept of doing for others and is looking forward to the day she is "old enough" to help out in a food kitchen by serving others. I'm happy for my sister, my cousin, and all of those that help others in need, because they are the ones that will be most blessed. Not just during the holiday season-but every day of the year. There are so many opportunities to help those around us. We all have so many talents, abilities, gifts that God has given us and they are all different. No 2 people are alike and the way we express love, sharing, and giving will be different depending on our own personality, community, life experience, circumstances, opportunities we have. HOW we give is not important-it's understanding that we need to "begin" giving and doing it that is important. Coming to the realization that every corner of the world needs loving/giving hearts and "beginning" to do something about it!
When my husband and I began our lives together 24 years ago, we did not have much in the way of worldly possessions. An old full sized bed w/sunken mattress donated to us by friends of the family, a few household items (dishes, utensils, etc..) we received as wedding gifts, an old dining room set (that had sat in my parents basement for about 5 years before we were married), a dresser, tv stand (didn't even have a tv until Christmas day-that was my parents first gift to us), a "hideous" green/yellow/plaid couch and chair that cost $50 but was in good shape, the clothes on our back, and a brand new Sears washer/dryer. Truly, that was all we had. But we were blessed by love and commitment to one another! We never felt "poor", but we technically were living at poverty level during the time. When I look at the worldly possessions we now have, the blessings of travel we have had, the beautiful/healthy/godly young girls we've parented, the life experiences we've shared w/God's family, our physical family, friends from different countries, etc... I realize that it has all come our way for 2 reasons-first and foremost - God blessing my husbands diligent hard work from those first days of our life together and because we understood that we were blessed even BEFORE any of these changes occured during the last 24 years. I will end today's post by saying that my life reminds me of what the great Creator, God, said in His first words of the bible..."In the beginning....it was good". What is your beginning? Do you call it "good"? Never fail to appreciate beginnings and today is a new beginning for all of us. If you are reading this post, you have been blessed with another day of life, an opportunity to make your beginning-good!
Beginnings are a beautiful thing. Whether we are talking about marriages, the birth of children, or the blessing of a new day that God has given-we should cherish new beginnings. In the world of psychology, it is said that a person loses 7 years of their life expectancy with every move they make....I believe that my marriage/life disproves that theory-otherwise I would already be in my Heavenly home! If memory serves me correctly, I have "moved" 15 times in my lifetime...10 of those moves being during the 24 years of my marriage. Sure, moving can/does offer it's own source of "stress", but like so many things in life-it's all about your perspective. You can either choose to become paralyzed by fear of the unknown, be depressed because you've left loved ones behind, etc...or you can decide to be blessed that you have opportunity to enlarge your life experience by adding new friends to your life, enjoying the blessings of living in a new house/location, etc... I have always chosen to feel "blessed" by the gift God brings into my life with each new move. If time marches on, my husband/I will "settle" and no longer move in a period of about 3 1/2 years from now. It will be a new beginning for us. Uncharted territory as it were. We will move forward with joy/anticipation and choose to enjoy the new experience together-just the way we have for the last 24 years of our life together.
As I was talking with my sister last night, I was thinking about other types of beginnings. This year, I purchased an "elf on the shelf" book/elf for her to "begin" a new tradition with her girls. As she shared the adventures her girls have had with "Elfard" so far this Christmas season-my heart was full of joy. Such a simple thing to begin a new tradition-whatever it may be, but how beautiful it can be. I thought ahead to a future time when my own daughters will have my grandchildren and we can pass this book/elf on to them and they begin their own tradition. My own Mom had a tradition that every year at the family Christmas party, she had some poor unsuspecting friend of the family play the role of Santa Claus for the kids. When Mom died-the tradition faded into a memory of the past. That's o.k.-it was her tradition and a special memory we all associate with her love for her family. It is this memory that helped me think what new "beginning" tradition we might start for our family now. I was really pleased when my sister shared that a friend of hers was asking about the idea of the "elf" and though she doesn't have the funds to purchase an "official" elf on the shelf book/elf-she took the idea and came up with her own new tradition. A dollar store "snowman" that watches over the kids in her house...she shared the story of the "elf" by substituting the snowman. I like that! I love to hear stories of young moms that are not tied to an "all or nothing" attitude, that don't feel sorry for themselves because of their life circumstances-but understand that it's the idea/principle that's important. This mom used what she could to "begin" a special tradition for her own kids.
This week, I have read 2 different posts from my sister and cousin about beginning to teach their children to "give". Both have determined to "begin" a tradition of their children giving to others during the holiday season. My cousin took her daughter (for the first time-a new beginning) to buy gifts for a young needy child on an angel tree in the community they live in. She was appalled that when she returned her gifts on the day of the deadline, the tree was STILL full of requests that no one had filled. It was this scene that motivated my cousin to begin a new tradition with ALL members of her family, not just her youngest. She decided that instead of buying tons of needless gifts (wants) for her loved ones-they would all take part in sharing/giving to others next year. I applaud the love she has in her heart that understands truly that life isn't all about us! My sister, again, shared with me the story of my niece that gave 50% of her allowance/b-day money to toys for tots this year. My sister took the time to explain the program to my niece and the idea of helping children that won't enjoy the nice things (without others help) that she is blessed to enjoy each Christmas morning. My sister talked to her about other community programs that go on during the holiday season and other times of the year to help those in need. You see, as a young child, my sister experienced the "giving" of others through these various programs. She was blessed by others giving through the years because as a young child, she did not have a family that provided those special "wants" for her and often did not even provide for her needs. It wasn't until her new "beginning", when she became a part of our family in 1998, that she was blessed to have all of her needs and MANY wants provided for daily. My niece has never had that experience. She-like my own children, cousins children, and most of the children in America-have always been blessed every day (not just on Christmas)-with more "wants" than needs being provided to them by their own family. My niece was overjoyed when my sister told her that next holiday season, she would be going with her to serve "food" to the needy-the food that goes to the food banks that they donate to every year. It fills my heart with joy to see new beginnings like that. A young child that is "excited" about the concept of doing for others and is looking forward to the day she is "old enough" to help out in a food kitchen by serving others. I'm happy for my sister, my cousin, and all of those that help others in need, because they are the ones that will be most blessed. Not just during the holiday season-but every day of the year. There are so many opportunities to help those around us. We all have so many talents, abilities, gifts that God has given us and they are all different. No 2 people are alike and the way we express love, sharing, and giving will be different depending on our own personality, community, life experience, circumstances, opportunities we have. HOW we give is not important-it's understanding that we need to "begin" giving and doing it that is important. Coming to the realization that every corner of the world needs loving/giving hearts and "beginning" to do something about it!
When my husband and I began our lives together 24 years ago, we did not have much in the way of worldly possessions. An old full sized bed w/sunken mattress donated to us by friends of the family, a few household items (dishes, utensils, etc..) we received as wedding gifts, an old dining room set (that had sat in my parents basement for about 5 years before we were married), a dresser, tv stand (didn't even have a tv until Christmas day-that was my parents first gift to us), a "hideous" green/yellow/plaid couch and chair that cost $50 but was in good shape, the clothes on our back, and a brand new Sears washer/dryer. Truly, that was all we had. But we were blessed by love and commitment to one another! We never felt "poor", but we technically were living at poverty level during the time. When I look at the worldly possessions we now have, the blessings of travel we have had, the beautiful/healthy/godly young girls we've parented, the life experiences we've shared w/God's family, our physical family, friends from different countries, etc... I realize that it has all come our way for 2 reasons-first and foremost - God blessing my husbands diligent hard work from those first days of our life together and because we understood that we were blessed even BEFORE any of these changes occured during the last 24 years. I will end today's post by saying that my life reminds me of what the great Creator, God, said in His first words of the bible..."In the beginning....it was good". What is your beginning? Do you call it "good"? Never fail to appreciate beginnings and today is a new beginning for all of us. If you are reading this post, you have been blessed with another day of life, an opportunity to make your beginning-good!
Monday, December 12, 2011
Endings...
December 12, 2011
So many things I could write about this a.m. I haven't visited my blog in about 3 months-wow-that's a first for me! I've only been blogging for this past year and it is truly therapeutic for me. Truth is, I've had a lot of things going on w/life and just haven't made the time to sit down to blog. I will try to do better though as it is one of the few ways that actually help me to express myself very openly, sometimes things come forth when I "write" that I don't even realize are in my heart. Most of what I blog starts with one single line of thought and leads me to places I didn't even dream they would!
The title of my blog today is "endings". Of course the most logical reason is that this blog brings about the "ending" of a year. It's truly amazing how many changes can occur in a years time and how many "endings" you find occured during your year. Since this is possibly the last post of this calendar year for me, I thought I would update everyone about my progress w/my word of the year, "Health". In most regards, I have been very true to my focus word of the year. Not as much here at the end with my "physical" health as I wanted to be...but SO much better than where the year began. Shortly after the last blog in mid-September, I "blew out" my calf muscle. I tore the muscle pretty badly during a step aerobics class and couldn't really "exercise" on it for about 4 weeks. As you know, in 4 weeks, you can develop new habits. Unfortunately, to keep from going NUTS, I replaced my exercise times with other activities and have not yet gotten back into a normal routine of exercise. I go some, but it isn't the same priority it was for me before I tore my calf. It's not "on my schedule" every day as it was before. However, I am determined that will change. I will continue with my goal-I'm a little less than half way to where I want to be. My goal is to have the weight loss and stamina at its peak by mid-July. I know that I can do it, I will do it. I am just accepting this "temporary" lapse as that, "temporary". There are tons of excuses (and really that's all they would be) that I could give for why I didn't continue on the same blazen trail I had for all of the 8 months prior to the incident, but instead I will accept responsibility for my actions and just say that I am determined to return at full speed instead of the half effort I am now putting forth.
In other regards, I have absolutely been true to my focus word of "health" this year. Spiritually, I have been a part of a bible study group that has been looking at the OT tabernacle and the correlations it has to Jesus Christ. The study is written by Beth Moore and there is no material that I've ever studied that truly gets into the meat of the word the way that Beth Moore does. Her material uncovers things in a way that reaches me and that I understand/relate to. From all of the training I've had in education, I understand that everyone has their own "learning style"-well Beth Moore teaches to mine for sure! I have always wanted to be a part of a video series study of hers. LOVE her sanguine personality, her sincerity, and her wealth of knowledge of the scripture. Don't misunderstand, she doesn't "always" handle the word of God 100% accurately and I recognize the times that she contradicts scripture. However, she is a human being (as we all are) and the only truth is contained within God's word. Any time a human tries to expound God's word, there is potential to err. I choose to look at all studies as a way to examine the TRUTH of God's word more deeply for myself. The writer is merely a vessel to help me do that, it is my personal responsibility to divide the Word accurately. So, yes, spiritually speaking I have grown very much this year and have been so very blessed by this study.
Emotionally, I continue to make great progress in growth. There have been many opportunities for me to grow this year. Many travel opportunities with my family, being seperated from my husband for the last 6 months, continuing to "mentor" young women in MOPS, spending quality time with so many friends/family/brethren, etc... My life/cup is full to overflowing and abundant indeed with emotional growth. It hasn't all been easy, but growth usually does involve some pain. I am going through some "challenges" in that regard currently. Another reason for the name of this post. I found out over T'giving, that my Dad's stepsister was put into a facility because she has Alzheimer's. I have not seen my aunt Ruby in a number of years. But in my "memory", she is still a vibrant young woman full of life, healthy, etc... My heart aches for her/her family because prior to this they have been through so very much through the years prior to this tragic time. You see, my aunt lost 2 of her 3 children within 2 1/2 years time to automobile accidents. My memory of those days are deeply entrenched in my heart. For me, personally, those tragedies happened at a time in my life that was pivotal to the direction my life would take to this day. I would never again take life for granted. I would understand how temporary it is. I would choose to live every day with joy and suck every moment of happiness/love from the day that I could. Ultimately, I would choose to serve and love God w/all my heart, mind and soul because I was blessed to see tragedy up close/personal from 13 years of age(when my first cousin died in an accident). I'm thankful for that blessing. So many I meet/talk to have never been blessed to experience tragedy up close/personal, I have to believe that it takes those people much longer to "grow up" and mature to the place of understanding/appreciating the gift that life truly is. Back to my aunt. I remember the heartbreak, the look of hurt in her eyes, etc... during the time she lost her 14 yr old son-we were all in shock as of course it was an accident that was sudden. When she lost her daughter 2 1/2 years later-we all didn't know if she was going to make it. Literally, she was broken to pieces. Shocked that once again, she was facing a tragedy and clinging dearly to the one child she had left in this world. I remember watching her rock back/forth in a rocking chair that set in my cousin's room, just wailing-I believe that was the first time I ever actually experienced someone "wailing" and it was gut wrenching:( But, she was a strong woman and after a few years, she had picked up the pieces of her broken heart and turned things around and decided to "give back" the love she still had to share. She took in foster children-even adopted one of them. I remember thinking, "What strength" she had and love she had in her hert to be able/desire to share her love with others instead of setting around feeling sorry for herself. She was my "hero" in that regard and I prayed I would always be strong enough to do something similar should my life bring tragedy. When my Daddy told me that she was in a home suffering from Alzheimer's, I was so very sad. I received word Saturday that she is now in the hospital in a totally unresponsive state and things do not look good for her at all. It is just so very difficult to think about "endings". My aunt has had to face so many "endings" in her life and my heart aches to think of her own personal ending being so tragic as well. Alzheimer's is an absolute gut wrenching thing to occur in a family. This family has already experienced so much tragedy. My aunt is only in her 60's and this all happened so very quickly. But, as I sit here writing this morning, I am thinking about all of the "good" times with my aunt. All of those Christmas Eve nights at my Granny D's with the adults playing cards around the table, the kids being goofy outside or listening to music in the bedroom/watching Christmas movies, etc... All of those photos we all had made in front of Granny's Christmas tree every year. It was a "tradition" and we did the same things together year after year. My aunt Ruby was always smiling...even during those difficult years when she lost her children-she was there at Granny's around her loved ones. It is my prayer today that all of those that she has touched will surround her with their love as she goes through these final moments in her life upon this earth. She touched me in ways that she probably never really fully understood. Her life circumstances helped change me from the inside out. I learned from watching her that no matter what life brings you, you CAN get through it with love and time. I learned not to take life for granted but to appreciate each day as a gift to love more deeply and cherish those that are around you even in the little things. I learned from the strength she showed in picking up the pieces of her heart and moving forward with her life and not letting her circumstances get her "stuck" and unable to love/live her life to the fullest. It was her example that helped me when I tragically lost my Mom. Yes, I grieved and my heart was broken, but NO I would not let her death define me for the rest of my life of define who SHE was. Instead, I would be so very thankful for the time I had with her and use the rest of my own life to love those around me more deeply, cherish the moments I have with them, etc...
One more thing before I close today. My Daddy is also in the same hospital as my aunt. He has pneumonia again-3rd time this year. Daddy's health (lack thereof) has been a huge motivator for me in changing my own physical health. Each time my Dad is hospitalized, I wonder if this will be the end for him. Not because I am a "pessimist", not because I don't pray that he will recover, etc...but merely to prepare my heart a little more for the break it will experience when I get that phone call. When my Mom left this earth, I was NOT prepared-no one can be when it involves tragedy. When I get that call about my Daddy, I will be much more prepared because I expect it. I've expected it for a long time. I treasure each the time I have with him each time I visit him, because I know one day it will be the "last" time. There is nothing left "unsaid", my Daddy knows how much I love him, treasure him, appreciate him. My Daddy was my first love. Because of him, I was "picky" about who I chose to be my husband. It had to be a "special" man that would care for me the way that my Daddy did. My Dad often tells me how proud he is to have John as his son-in-law. It is because of the love my Daddy had for me that I was wise enough to choose someone that would "value" me, our marriage, our children, etc... Though in personality, my husband/Daddy are very different. In character/values of family, work ethic, being a "man's man", they are very much the same.
I pray that if any of my reader's are experiencing any personal "endings" in their lives, they will draw strength from knowing that if we all prepare ourselves for eternity-there will be no more endings! God knows no time, God created "time", but in Him there are no time limits...eternity is forever. Live your life on this earth with recognition that it is temporary and WILL end, but understanding that preparation for eternity (life without ending) is why we are here. Love and cherish those around you each day, let them know (if they don't already), specifically, why they are important to you/what they mean to you so that if their life or yours has an ending-there will be nothing left unsaid. Until next time-may the end of this calendar year bring many blessings of "time" to us all, time to do the things that are eternally important.
So many things I could write about this a.m. I haven't visited my blog in about 3 months-wow-that's a first for me! I've only been blogging for this past year and it is truly therapeutic for me. Truth is, I've had a lot of things going on w/life and just haven't made the time to sit down to blog. I will try to do better though as it is one of the few ways that actually help me to express myself very openly, sometimes things come forth when I "write" that I don't even realize are in my heart. Most of what I blog starts with one single line of thought and leads me to places I didn't even dream they would!
The title of my blog today is "endings". Of course the most logical reason is that this blog brings about the "ending" of a year. It's truly amazing how many changes can occur in a years time and how many "endings" you find occured during your year. Since this is possibly the last post of this calendar year for me, I thought I would update everyone about my progress w/my word of the year, "Health". In most regards, I have been very true to my focus word of the year. Not as much here at the end with my "physical" health as I wanted to be...but SO much better than where the year began. Shortly after the last blog in mid-September, I "blew out" my calf muscle. I tore the muscle pretty badly during a step aerobics class and couldn't really "exercise" on it for about 4 weeks. As you know, in 4 weeks, you can develop new habits. Unfortunately, to keep from going NUTS, I replaced my exercise times with other activities and have not yet gotten back into a normal routine of exercise. I go some, but it isn't the same priority it was for me before I tore my calf. It's not "on my schedule" every day as it was before. However, I am determined that will change. I will continue with my goal-I'm a little less than half way to where I want to be. My goal is to have the weight loss and stamina at its peak by mid-July. I know that I can do it, I will do it. I am just accepting this "temporary" lapse as that, "temporary". There are tons of excuses (and really that's all they would be) that I could give for why I didn't continue on the same blazen trail I had for all of the 8 months prior to the incident, but instead I will accept responsibility for my actions and just say that I am determined to return at full speed instead of the half effort I am now putting forth.
In other regards, I have absolutely been true to my focus word of "health" this year. Spiritually, I have been a part of a bible study group that has been looking at the OT tabernacle and the correlations it has to Jesus Christ. The study is written by Beth Moore and there is no material that I've ever studied that truly gets into the meat of the word the way that Beth Moore does. Her material uncovers things in a way that reaches me and that I understand/relate to. From all of the training I've had in education, I understand that everyone has their own "learning style"-well Beth Moore teaches to mine for sure! I have always wanted to be a part of a video series study of hers. LOVE her sanguine personality, her sincerity, and her wealth of knowledge of the scripture. Don't misunderstand, she doesn't "always" handle the word of God 100% accurately and I recognize the times that she contradicts scripture. However, she is a human being (as we all are) and the only truth is contained within God's word. Any time a human tries to expound God's word, there is potential to err. I choose to look at all studies as a way to examine the TRUTH of God's word more deeply for myself. The writer is merely a vessel to help me do that, it is my personal responsibility to divide the Word accurately. So, yes, spiritually speaking I have grown very much this year and have been so very blessed by this study.
Emotionally, I continue to make great progress in growth. There have been many opportunities for me to grow this year. Many travel opportunities with my family, being seperated from my husband for the last 6 months, continuing to "mentor" young women in MOPS, spending quality time with so many friends/family/brethren, etc... My life/cup is full to overflowing and abundant indeed with emotional growth. It hasn't all been easy, but growth usually does involve some pain. I am going through some "challenges" in that regard currently. Another reason for the name of this post. I found out over T'giving, that my Dad's stepsister was put into a facility because she has Alzheimer's. I have not seen my aunt Ruby in a number of years. But in my "memory", she is still a vibrant young woman full of life, healthy, etc... My heart aches for her/her family because prior to this they have been through so very much through the years prior to this tragic time. You see, my aunt lost 2 of her 3 children within 2 1/2 years time to automobile accidents. My memory of those days are deeply entrenched in my heart. For me, personally, those tragedies happened at a time in my life that was pivotal to the direction my life would take to this day. I would never again take life for granted. I would understand how temporary it is. I would choose to live every day with joy and suck every moment of happiness/love from the day that I could. Ultimately, I would choose to serve and love God w/all my heart, mind and soul because I was blessed to see tragedy up close/personal from 13 years of age(when my first cousin died in an accident). I'm thankful for that blessing. So many I meet/talk to have never been blessed to experience tragedy up close/personal, I have to believe that it takes those people much longer to "grow up" and mature to the place of understanding/appreciating the gift that life truly is. Back to my aunt. I remember the heartbreak, the look of hurt in her eyes, etc... during the time she lost her 14 yr old son-we were all in shock as of course it was an accident that was sudden. When she lost her daughter 2 1/2 years later-we all didn't know if she was going to make it. Literally, she was broken to pieces. Shocked that once again, she was facing a tragedy and clinging dearly to the one child she had left in this world. I remember watching her rock back/forth in a rocking chair that set in my cousin's room, just wailing-I believe that was the first time I ever actually experienced someone "wailing" and it was gut wrenching:( But, she was a strong woman and after a few years, she had picked up the pieces of her broken heart and turned things around and decided to "give back" the love she still had to share. She took in foster children-even adopted one of them. I remember thinking, "What strength" she had and love she had in her hert to be able/desire to share her love with others instead of setting around feeling sorry for herself. She was my "hero" in that regard and I prayed I would always be strong enough to do something similar should my life bring tragedy. When my Daddy told me that she was in a home suffering from Alzheimer's, I was so very sad. I received word Saturday that she is now in the hospital in a totally unresponsive state and things do not look good for her at all. It is just so very difficult to think about "endings". My aunt has had to face so many "endings" in her life and my heart aches to think of her own personal ending being so tragic as well. Alzheimer's is an absolute gut wrenching thing to occur in a family. This family has already experienced so much tragedy. My aunt is only in her 60's and this all happened so very quickly. But, as I sit here writing this morning, I am thinking about all of the "good" times with my aunt. All of those Christmas Eve nights at my Granny D's with the adults playing cards around the table, the kids being goofy outside or listening to music in the bedroom/watching Christmas movies, etc... All of those photos we all had made in front of Granny's Christmas tree every year. It was a "tradition" and we did the same things together year after year. My aunt Ruby was always smiling...even during those difficult years when she lost her children-she was there at Granny's around her loved ones. It is my prayer today that all of those that she has touched will surround her with their love as she goes through these final moments in her life upon this earth. She touched me in ways that she probably never really fully understood. Her life circumstances helped change me from the inside out. I learned from watching her that no matter what life brings you, you CAN get through it with love and time. I learned not to take life for granted but to appreciate each day as a gift to love more deeply and cherish those that are around you even in the little things. I learned from the strength she showed in picking up the pieces of her heart and moving forward with her life and not letting her circumstances get her "stuck" and unable to love/live her life to the fullest. It was her example that helped me when I tragically lost my Mom. Yes, I grieved and my heart was broken, but NO I would not let her death define me for the rest of my life of define who SHE was. Instead, I would be so very thankful for the time I had with her and use the rest of my own life to love those around me more deeply, cherish the moments I have with them, etc...
One more thing before I close today. My Daddy is also in the same hospital as my aunt. He has pneumonia again-3rd time this year. Daddy's health (lack thereof) has been a huge motivator for me in changing my own physical health. Each time my Dad is hospitalized, I wonder if this will be the end for him. Not because I am a "pessimist", not because I don't pray that he will recover, etc...but merely to prepare my heart a little more for the break it will experience when I get that phone call. When my Mom left this earth, I was NOT prepared-no one can be when it involves tragedy. When I get that call about my Daddy, I will be much more prepared because I expect it. I've expected it for a long time. I treasure each the time I have with him each time I visit him, because I know one day it will be the "last" time. There is nothing left "unsaid", my Daddy knows how much I love him, treasure him, appreciate him. My Daddy was my first love. Because of him, I was "picky" about who I chose to be my husband. It had to be a "special" man that would care for me the way that my Daddy did. My Dad often tells me how proud he is to have John as his son-in-law. It is because of the love my Daddy had for me that I was wise enough to choose someone that would "value" me, our marriage, our children, etc... Though in personality, my husband/Daddy are very different. In character/values of family, work ethic, being a "man's man", they are very much the same.
I pray that if any of my reader's are experiencing any personal "endings" in their lives, they will draw strength from knowing that if we all prepare ourselves for eternity-there will be no more endings! God knows no time, God created "time", but in Him there are no time limits...eternity is forever. Live your life on this earth with recognition that it is temporary and WILL end, but understanding that preparation for eternity (life without ending) is why we are here. Love and cherish those around you each day, let them know (if they don't already), specifically, why they are important to you/what they mean to you so that if their life or yours has an ending-there will be nothing left unsaid. Until next time-may the end of this calendar year bring many blessings of "time" to us all, time to do the things that are eternally important.
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