It has been several months since I wrote in this blog. The last blog I wrote was about "love". I would like to extend the idea of love and how it relates to "family". I have had many life situations that have recently caused me to consider who I really consider my "family". You see, family means something different to everyone. For some, family is ONLY those that share the same genetic pool. For others, family are those that live in their house. Truly, it does mean something different to almost everyone I've ever met. Consider this thought-being military kids, my daughters were often asked "where are you from?" For a military kid that has lived all over the world, that is a difficult question to answer because truly, there is NOT any one answer that is completely accurate. For our girls, they were "born" in different places, lived in different places, but unlike my husband/I...never had a place that they were "from". So, they called "home" wherever our family was together at the time. Home wasn't a place, location, or house, it truly was a feeling. A "feeling" that we shared as a nuclear family of 4 wherever we happened to live at the time.
Extend this idea to the idea of "family" and what that means. When someone asks me who my family is, I can tell them about my "physical" blood related family-whether we are talking my childhood relations or my "nuclear" adult family relations. I can also choose to tell them about my "spiritual" family-which I am related to through the blood of Jesus Christ. We are "born" of the same Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. I could also choose to tell them of dear friends that I've been blessed to meet/know/spend time with along life's journey wherever the AF took us for 27 1/2 years. You see, regardless of the origin of the family I may talk with you about-there are characteristics that make them the same. Truly, "physical" blood relation means little to me. At one time in the history of God's people, this was a very important trait-but Jesus came and done away with all of that-adopting ALL that obey Him into His bloodline today. Therefore, my physical origins, alone, are of little meaning to me. It's the "relationships" that happen within the physical origins that make them important and have meaning. Without the relationship, WHAT does blood mean???? This is true whether we are talking about physical or spiritual relatives...blood without relationship means nothing! I realize that everyone has different experiences in life-some never "leave" the area they are born/raised in...whether by choice or necessity. They remain in the same area where the relationships with physical blood relatives are and may have very little opportunity to have any "other" type of family relationship. However, even in those instances-it truly is a "choice" that one makes. Just because you are raised in a particular physical family situation, does not mean you have to remain "active" and engaged in it if the relationships are not present or are unhealthy. You CAN choose to "find" family elsewhere...those that will love you, spend time with you, make time for you, think the best of you, come to you when they hear something questionable about you, etc... The bible speaks to this idea many times-particularly with regards to the "company" we keep-"evil companions corrupt good morals"...yes, sometimes that even refers to our physical families. Sad, but true.
Never has the idea of "family" been more true to me than in recent months. You see, I now have lost both of my parents. If I were a person that saw family as "only"physical relationships, I would be very lost in this world-a wandering "orphan" as it were. Yes, I have siblings-but the relationships are complicated for a variety of reasons...some of which can be changed, some that cannot. Do I love my siblings?...absolutely. I care for their well-being, do my best to make sure they're cared for, and pray the best for them all. However, the "relationships" we share are weak at best. With one bright shining exception-my sister-my ONLY sister. It should be noted here that this sister is NO blood relation to me whatsoever! We do not share the same genetics at ALL. We don't even share "childhood" experiences. I am the age of her biological mother. My husband/I have chosen to live in the same community as my sister/her family. You may wonder WHAT is it that makes this sister so different if we don't share any of the factors I mentioned...simply put..."relationship". We understand one another, we MAKE time for one another, we are interested in one another's well being, we both feel the "loss" of our parents...it doesn't matter if the parents were HER blood or not...they were the parents of her heart-just as they were mine! The loss is great, it's significant, it's painful, it's hurtful...but praise God it's also a beautiful reminder of how blessed we were to have OUR parents in our lives. Even at different times/stages of our parents lives and even though we weren't raised together-we both feel incredibly blessed by the "experiences" and "relationships" that we were blessed to share with our parents. Despite the lack of depth in relationship with the other siblings...we "get it" and we "relate" to one another. I feel incredibly blessed when I look at the timing of all the things that have occurred in my life/my sister's life...both things we have shared together and things we've experienced, separately, in our individual lives. I see God's hand leading us to where we are today. Together, living in the same town, having developed a loving relationship and "invested" in one another through the last 17 years that we've been in one another's lives. Now, we continue to reap our harvest on a regular basis through meals together, playing family games, enjoying holidays, sharing ideas, thoughts, etc... I'm so thankful that "family" means more than genetics.
Over 27 1/2 years of being a military spouse, I definitely learned to appreciate "spiritual" family most of all. They were the ones that were "in" my life day in/day out. I wasn't able to be "present" for most of my physical family members events-it just was not physically possible. This is why my spiritual family became so VERY important to me. They were my "support" system day in/out. They were who we spent holidays with, camped with, cried with, prayed with, worshipped with....just did "day to day" life with. I am blessed to say that even in retirement, we have an amazing spiritual family that we "do live with" here in our community. Even though my husband/I are physically separated from our girls at this point in our lives-we are ALL 4 blessed to have "family" in the respective places that we currently live. We all appreciate the "family" that is there for us-day in/day out. We are not "jealous" of the family that we "share" our girls with...we are happy for them and pleased that others are being blessed to enjoy our girls as much as we did. I feel blessed to know that even when others in my family of origin didn't understand/appreciate that I had "family" in the place I was living at the time-my Daddy always did. That's one of the things I miss the most-his loving support and encouragement to enjoy my time wherever I was living, experience as much as I could, etc... He understood that I had my life to lead and that it was "different" than the life he had chosen. He supported me and always asked me lots of great questions about the "family" where we were living. He was not "jealous" that my girls had "grandparents" in Arizona. He knew about Donna/Bruce and was happy that the girls had them in their lives. Of course he would have LOVED to have been able to be that grandparent for them-but time/distance/his health did not allow for that and he "loved" my girls, therefore, he wanted the best for them whatever their situation was in life. You see, my Daddy understood "blood" didn't matter...relationships did! I have my Daddy to "thank" for that belief system that I hold so dear to my heart today. You see, my Daddy only actually "fathered" one child, but he was a Daddy to 7 children that he "chose". He didn't "legally" adopt 2 of them...but he would tell you that they were HIS kids...he was THEIR Daddy...all 7 of them! That's how I feel about my nieces. I feel like a grandmother...not an "aunt". The relationship is indicative of a grandparent-they call me aunt Vicki, but I love them as though their mother came from me because the "relationship" that my sister/I share is very mother/daughter like. Perhaps it's the age difference. Perhaps it's the fact that we lost Mom when she was still a teenager. Whatever it is...it's good and healthy-one that I'm thankful for each and every day. Daddy lives on...through me and all that he taught me about what "family" means through his own example/life. I am treasuring each and every moment with his grandchildren-who are now MY grandchildren:) Donna/Bruce are treasuring each/every moment with his grandchildren-who are now THEIR grandchildren:) I know he would smile about it....he would be happy for all of us-that our lives have gone on and his legacy of "family" never dies. Isn't it beautiful to know that family is not just about genetics...my life, comparatively, would be very empty if it were. I'm thankful for understanding that relationships are the main thing...they are what matters. How many "family" members do you have? Praise God, I can say that I have MANY and my cup runneth over. Oh, this great thing we call, "family". Thank you God for providing me with the opportunity to have healthy loving relationships with so many others that even though my genetic family may forsake me, my "real" family never will.
